there's nothing you can do.

i'm lost in a sea of thoughts. once again i go to grab some randoms before i study. try to clear the clutter.

i'm so down and out of it. i hate school. it is the one aspect of my life that i wish were completely gone. i need sleep. i need peace. i need comfort.

sometimes when you're so mad at a person and you hate them sooo much. you want to scream and spit in their face. you want to hit them so hard that they hurt for days. you want them to leave you alone forever. you wish you never met them because if you hadn't met them, you wouldn't be going through the misery that you are at the moment. you want them to hurt and cry just as hard as you do at night when no one is around. you want them gone.

but all at the same time, you just want them to hold you. hold you tight. both figuratively and literally. you want the warmth of their body to melt away the cold ice around your heart. you want them to hold on and tell you that they will never let you. you want them to feel like the world will end if they let go. if they lose you. if they never see you again. you want their world to crumble with pain just like yours would if that person were to leave. you just want that person to sit there and look deep into your eyes. into your soul. and you just want them to love you as much as you hate them. because ultimately. you only hate them so much because you love them twice as much.

ultimately. you will never know how a person feels about you. feels around you. because no words can express the inner workings of our hearts and our minds. no matter how much you love someone. there will be no words or actions that can show the extent of your heart. nothing can dissect our emotions. so sometimes you have to live with the idea that no matter how much you care about a person, they will never know the magnitude of it.

all we can do. is act and say the things we genuinely feel. and hope to God that they aren't skeptical and take you at your full and honest word.