triggering memories... [actual blog starts after the ****]

i think there is a direct correlation between dead week and the number of blogs i post...

i also think/know that there is an exponential correlation between the amount of time i waste on the internet with how late it is in dead week.

Yeah...i actually took the time to create a graph of the time i've wasted...of course those number are all exaggerated seeing as there are not more than 24 hours in one day...

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so what i want to talk about is something interesting that i talked to my friend with today.
we talked about triggering memories and the difference between 추억 (Reminiscence) and 기억 (Memory).


i've had times where i randomly smell a certain scent and i get completely stopped in my tracks because of the strength of the memory and emotions. I get a rush of feelings where my heart just feels heavy and my head is clouded. i know that sounds stupid but if you've experienced it, you know exactly what i'm talking about. Even once, i was just standing there with that segment of my life just flashing before my eyes. I felt all the emotions i felt then, the happiness, the funny times, the anger, the conflicts. and the worst part is, i was left with that lingering feeling of disappointment that i ended that relationship with. and also a longing to have another relationship to replace the bad of the old one.

if you know me well, you know i have a huge connection to music, whether it be playing/performing or just listening to music. when i listen to music, i don't just hear the sounds and rhythms of the song, i actually listen to the words and how the notes correlate with the emotion of the situation played out in the song. sometimes, i attach myself to a song and it's lyrics because they way i can express the way i feel at the moment with that song.

now when i listen to certain songs, i can remember exactly how i felt in the moment, who i was with, who i liked, who i was dating, etc. etc. just by a song. How can a person be so emotionally connected to a grouping of words and sentences set to a beat? i don't even know.

so to end this. i want to add a little bit of substance.

Reminiscing: 추억: this kind of memory is more of a heart memory from the past...like a more emotional one. as compared to Memory: 기억: which is more of what is happening now and a head memory.

kaboom. straight dolmuhlee style.

this is what my brain feels like right now...

no joke. UGH. so of all mornings for me to become completely deaf to all three of my alarms...this HAD to be the one =.=;;

so last night, i stayed up writing a 10 page research paper on radiation therapy and the public opinion on the topic at hand...i couldn't even find my original draft that had ALL of the research i needed on it so i had start from scratch. it sucked. but i got it done.

it's like 7am and sharon convinced me to go to breakfast at woody's which was heavenly. and we have a discussion about whether or not to sleep...because we are scared we might not get up...

SHARON. i hope you woke up. cuz i sure as hell didn't...

i went back to my room around 8am...and crawled...actually more climbed...fully clothed into my bed and got all comfortable. i set THREE alarms for 9, 9:10, and 9:15 and promptly slept through all of them. FUCK MY LIFE.

i woke up at exactly 11:43...and i jumped out of my bed...jumped/fell...idk which. but i literally clawed through my bookbag to find my prof's phone number and i called him. thank God that prof utschig is such an understanding person and THANK GOODNESS that i have been emailing him about the paper in the first place...i'm hoping that built enough confidence in the fact that i didn't try to weasel myself out of turning this paper in on time...but yeah...what a nice man.

now i'm about to go sit through 2 hours of senior design presentations because i was too lazy to go to any NRE (nuclear and radiological engineering) seminars this semester...i needed to go to four...this will count as 2....ahha.

hopefully my weekend will be good. I'M MOVING ON FRIDAY/SATURDAY! finally an apartment and a room for myself. :D

survival in the library.

so i realized that there are certain things that happen to the average person at tech in the library...

i'll make a list for you.

1. you are hungry. regardless of how much you ate 5 minutes ago.

2. you become even more addicted to facebook than you already are.

3. you become really good at one or more online games such as tetris or bejeweled.

4. you make a lot of new friends. and you generally only meet them in the library. but after dead week, they may become your drinking buddies.

5. you become a very good at finding empty tables or groups of desks for you and your friends to sit down at. you want the grouped areas so you can facebook stalk the same people.

6. you look at the clock and it's 10 pm. you go on facebook. you look at the clock again. it's 12:34 am. you start doing some work or studying. you look at the clock again. it's 12:48 am.

7. you know exactly which outlets on the third floor cubicles work or not. and you try to find a desk with an outlet because you know you will use all your battery on pointless stuff.

8. you lose a lot of money. on take out.

9. everyone looks like they smoked a butt ton of weed because their eyes are all red and dried out from their contacts and lack of sleep.

10. you go to the library 3 days in advance to work/study but you get nothing done til the night before.

judge me please. [read fully]

you know what i always found interesting?

[[when you read this, you are going to judge me...but you will be correct...cuz i am a heartless bitch]]

when someone isn't exactly the most beautiful person in the world...[nice way of saying UGLY/FUGLY] and someone says "don't judge! he/she is freaking awesome and i love him/her"

ok...i mean, that person can be "freaking awesome" and what not but they are still ugly/fugly. just because you like that person, it doesn't make them any less ugly/fugly...

i mean, Esmeralda liked Quasimodo [the hunchback of notre dame] and she's pretty good lookin [as far as cartoons go], but that didn't make Quasimodo any less of a hunchback or ugly/fugly.

BUT WAIT!! don't stop reading and think i'm retarded and shallow and should live on an island alone with Voldemort as occasional company.

I hate that people have the need to justify how other people look by accentuating their personality or their popularity.

who are you to have to stand up for someone else's looks? and why does that make the situation any better? you could be just as ugly, if not fuglier than that person. and if you have a shitty personality, people might think that the other person has a similar personality. so honestly, why would you put someone in more distress than they already are?

i personally think it's worse for people to "justify" other people. because i'd rather hear someone talk shit about me than try to cover it up with some lame excuse for a compliment. just let it out in the open. don't say their personality is good because you want to make that their main "beauty point"...say they have a great personality because it really is a defining factor in their character. say it because that's what shines about that person when you first meet them. MEAN THAT SHIT!

because under that compliment, i know exactly what that person really wants to say

"yeah, i know he/she is ugly, but his/her personality makes up for the ugly and kinda evens things out. no i definitely wouldn't date him/her. i'm just saying i love/like him/her because i'm popular enough to boost their status past just being ugly/fugly."

not in the mood to blog...

i'm not exactly in the mood to blog. but i am in the mood to write random ish on the page.

i'm not even sure what to write about so i'm going to make a list of things that just pop up in my head.

1. i really like free stuff they give out on skiles walkway (at tech) or anywhere for the matter. free makes whatever the stuff is better. you could be giving out free pencils...i'll take it. free slinkies? yes please. free water bottles? of course. and my favorite is definitely free t-shirts. even though if they are giving out massive amounts of free shirts, everyone else is going to be wearing them...but who cares? not me.

2. fashion. i wish it was appropriate to just wear gym shorts and t shirts and hoodies to any and every event in the world. i hate wearing clothes, especially pants. unless they are sweat pants. but i do like wearing gym shorts more than sweats.

3. i hated being fat. and i wish i were skinny again. but it's pretty much gotten to the point where i just don't care. cuz honestly, at tech? who is there to impress?

4. i hate packing and unpacking. but in two weeks...that's what i'll be doing. actually...in a week and a half. WTF. SOO SOOON. too soon? nooooo way! not soon enough~

5. i just read an article that said "school lunches are a threat on national security" that's funny. apparently, school lunches are making future recruits too fat to join the military...LET ME CORRECT YOU. school lunches are not the reason people are fat. people are the reason people are fat. i ate a school lunch just about everyday of my entire elem/mid/high school career and i maintained a healthy build. you just gotta freaking exercise people!


ok. that's all i'm going to write. cuz i have to do my physics homework.