being a villain is too much work.

so yeah. i'm watching the korean drama. sigh. every korean drama has a villain. the villains' lives always suck the worst....list.

1. you have to spend all your free time plotting which takes away from time that you could be making friends and/or becoming a better person. and then you end up losing all your friends to the good guy and you are f'd in the a.

2. you are so stressed you get mad bags and dark circles under your eyes. and i mean...the person you like obviously doesn't like you so the bags and dark circles aren't helping your cause. and you get plastic surgery but everyone can tell. and you're f'd in the a.

3. you have to lie so much that you can't keep up with your lies and you eventually lose track. or you write them down on something and someone finds that something and you're f'd in the a.

4. you never get the person you want and your schemes are so bad that you might end up killing someone in the process. or you put that person in a coma but when they wake up, they don't remember the situation. but then they eventually remember and you're f'd in the a.

5. the person you like's parents are always not fully on your side. like they act like they are at first but they always warm up to the good guy. and then they know what you are really like, and then you and your whole family gets f'd in the a.

6. no one likes you.

7. you get screwed out of the fortune that doesn't belong to you in the first place. and you end up in mad debt and your family has to wear lame clothes and your mom has to get an ahjuma pama. and

8. in the end, you end up in a position where the person you rivaled was under you but now is above you. and they treat you nicely and you are forever indebted for their kindness.

9. you dig up family secrets of your enemy, like people are actually children or siblings of people and you let the secret out because you think it will benefit you but in the end you're f'd in the a.

10. you lose regardless because it's a korean drama and completely unrealistic.

the end.

WHADDAP

so. i know it's been too long since i've blogged. i apologize michael kim. seeing as you are the only person who reads it. :D

things that have happened in the recent past? i'll make a list so i can keep up and then talk about them.

1. i started watching 파리의연인 lovers in paris....again. too good.
2. i got my first set of bills for the apartment. *sigh*
3. i went to dumbfoundead concert.
4. i made a bet with jangboo.

1. i started watching "lovers in paris" again. sigh. the last time i watched this was in korea. when it aired. it was also the first time i saw it. it's a good drama. not too stressful. really funny. and adorable. typical story line. etc. etc. but yeah. every time i watch one of these stupid dramas, i want a bf modeled the same as the male characters in the show. dang. too bad they're fiction. but i'm sure some where in the world, there is someone like that.

2. i got my first set of bills. the bills are ok. not a big deal. we saved a lot of electricity and such. that's not the issue...it's because it's out first month paying and we have to pay all these set up bills and deposits and such. OH MY GOODNESS. it's like the world is set to see the bottom of my bank account.

3. dumbfoundead concert was awesome. but after the concert was even more fun. i made new friends and had a great time. annie...your floor is nice. i'll talk about everyone.

A) the first guy who went was local. he was aii...but he threw out money into the crowd. no joke. the concert cost me 23. i caught 41. so i made back the money it cost for the concert and more. i think i have like....3 or 4 bucks left.

B) DUMBFOUNDEAD. epic. epic. epic. lol i can do a perfect impression of DFD. if you see me...ask me to do it. i will. throughout the entire show they were def burning backstage. typical. everytime DFD came out on stage...his eyes got smaller and smaller and redder and redder. niceeeee. and then he was throwing out stickers and you know what happens when you throw paper...it goes no where. so i yelled "come on man! how can i even catch those? can you just hand them out?" and he walked over and laughed and just handed me 4. ahha. and then at the end of the show, he was walking off stage and he hadn't come to the edge to smack our hands and such. so i was like "dude. i just want to touch your hand" and he just laughed and did the same. :D i'm good at catching attention.

C) DOK2. my jahgiyah. too cute. awkward as hellll. really good music but no performing. you know? oh yeah. at the end of the show when they all came out, we like got everyone to like give us high fives and such except DOK2. cuz he's so "badass" but then i just screamed "JAHGIYAH!" and he heard. and just walked over. WOOT. all of the ppl around me can thank me. :D

D) MYK. that man looked homeless. but a really good homeless rapper. DFD has excellent freestyle, btw. MYK has exceptional lyrics. but honestly. MYK was one of the main reasons i went. i love that hobo. i don't really have much to say about him at the concert though...

E) KERO ONE. SOOOO CUTE AND FLUFFY. i would have to say he is the best crowd pleaser. and his songs were good~ i feel bad cuz atlanta is not very good at showing their pride. and everyone left by then. of course the crowd wasn't too big to start off with. =.=;;;

4. i made a bet with jangboo. it starts tuesday. whoever can go the longest without eating any kind of meat. including seafood. but not dairy products and such. which is funny because the reason this even became a topic was because of this video he sent me.


about dairy farmers abusing cows. but that has nothing to do with our bet. our bet is the loser buys NORI NORI. WOOT. i'm hoping that this ends soon...and it hasn't even started.


ok. well that's the end to this blog. back to watching my drama.

Ethics in engineering

so. i'm sitting in my ethics class. trying to beat dson's scores on tetris...he surpassed my scores while i slept last night. i shall overcome soon.


but yeh. i'm in ethics. it's an ok class but it's really really really REDUNDANT.

pretty much, we start off with an issue...and people keep talking. they keep rephrasing each others' questions and statements. i think it's because they are too opinionated. or they just like hearing the sound of their own voices. honestly. i mean. i say some things every once in a while because i actually have an opinion, but if someone has already said it, i won't bother. i'll just continue playing tetris. anyways.

so should i talk a little about ethics? ok. so today, we talked about simple subjectivism. essentially, its just saying that if you have an opinion, and you genuinely believe in your opinion, then it's right. of course, not many people or conventions actually argue in favor for this type of ethics. which makes me wonder, where did this even come from and why does it still exist? obviously, there are distinctions between what people believe is right or wrong. but if everyone is right in their own opinion, what's the point of ethics?

here's are two simple examples...

1. person 1 likes chocolate ice cream. person 2 likes strawberry ice cream. ok. no problem. they are both right. no one cares.

2. person 1 believes that he can kill his neighbor because he wants his neighbors wife with whom he has been having an affair with. person 2 believes that killing is wrong in all senses, along with adultery. and he also happens to be the neighbor. ok. problem. they are both right according to simple subjectivism. that's stupid.

the real issue is when you take into account cultural relativism. maybe there is some culture in the world where you can fight to the death for a spouse or partner or mate or whatever. i mean. idk. and i don't really want to look it up. but still. if simple subjectivism were taken seriously, there would be no distinction between right or wrong because who is to say that someone's opinion is wrong? that in itself is also and opinion.

jangboo has baby hands.

i have this tendency to be late to classes. but only the classes i don't like. and only the classes that last for over 10 minutes. so yeah. i'm late to all my classes...anyways. i'm sitting in tech rec with jangboo. waiting for my next class. which i won't be late to cuz i have like...30 minutes to get there. and it's like...5 minutes away. freakin a. watch me be late. ***update. i was late.***

ok. so today's blog. i will make a list of irritating things about time.



1. when you time things perfectly, like driving to work. and then you can't find parking so you have to walk almost twice the distance (mind you that for me, finding parking is the difference between walking from the CRC astroturf to the student center versus walking from eighth street apartments to the student center) and then you're late.

2. when you get stuck at every freaking traffic light during a trip that usually takes 3 minutes and you're sitting there for like 10.

3. when you miss your first alarm (out of three for me) and it sets you back ten minutes because you didn't have that ten minutes to realize you have to get up soon.

4. when you used to be the tallest kid in your entire elementary school. but over time, you become one of the shorter people in high school.

5. when you ask someone what time it is and they give you an extremely rounded time. like if its 11:26-11:33, you can say it's 11:30. but if it's like 11:18...you can't say it's 11:30. cuz it's not. when it's 11:15, you can't say it's 11...cuz it's not. when it's 11:37, you can't say it's 12...CUZ IT'S NOT.

*sigh* anyways. i've decided i want to go on a motorcycle ride. of course i wouldn't be driving. that'd be stupid. if you have a motorcycle that looks something like this and you are a hott male. i would like to ride on a motorcycle. [color variations are welcome...red, yellow, silver, blue...etc. anything cool like the power rangers.]
bt dubbs. i would also like to wear a cool helmet.

i burned my hand

so as you know, me and mingie live in an apartment off campus. so we have our own full kitchen. we cook a lot. tonight's dinner

bacon-cream cheese-mushroom-potato-noodle-cream of mushroom casserole with crispy onion crumble things and garlic bread.

so when i went to put the onion crumbles on top...i just pulled the rack out of the oven a little bit. and then the top of my hand touched the top inside of the oven. IT SUCKED. it still sucks. it burns. it stings. i want to keep it under constant ice. and the pain doesn't go away. it just gets stronger. i hate burns.

on a happier note. me and mingie took the puppies to piedmont park today. it was really chill. we made a new puppy friend.

BUT this old man STOLE ONE OF OUR TENNIS BALLS. wtf. we were being nice and shit. saying nice stuff about his dog and he like was petting our dogs and i saw him grab a tennis ball but i assumed it was his cuz there was one next to me and i thought mingie had the other one. unfortunately, that was not the case. we got robbed by a wealthy old man, his grandson, and their dog. *sigh*

pictures later.

the feeling of lonliness.

you know. the feeling you get in your stomach. when your stomach just drops in disappointment because you're so used to seeing something that makes you happy and then all of a sudden it's not there? that's how i felt today without bentley. :( FYI. bentley is my puppy.

here are some recently acquired photos of bentley...by hansol. this was when he was 7-8 weeks old? idk. he's 11 now...actually...almost 12 weeks old. OH MY. MY PUPPY IS GETTING SO OLD.

oh my goodness. so cute. i about died when i saw these pictures today. here are a few more recent ones. the quality is kinda not too good. it's from my phone =.=;;

oh my. so cute. tell me he isn't adorable. i'll rip your nose holes out. he just sits there. when i'm eating at the table. but he knows he's not gonna get any food. as much as he think he's human...he's not. but it's all good. he has his puppy food. and his puppy treats.







anyways. i miss bentley. i'll miss him for the 48 hours i'll not see him. *sigh* i'm going to miss opening the door and having to protect my shins against potential scratching and such. i'll miss my hair and face being randomly attacked and the ball of heat next to my side at night making me wish the ac would turn on.

need substance?

recently i was told that my blog had no substance.

my blog has no substance because i choose not to put substancy things in my blog. i like my blog. it's literally pointless. my posts have no chronological order nor do they maintain the same streamline of thought. but why is that such a bad thing? what defines a blog? i mean the title of my blog is "mind wanderings"...why would i name it that if it weren't about the wanderings of my mind? exactly. K.O. good thing my substance does not consist of this....i found this on google. i just typed in "subtance" then it asked me if i meant "substance" and i clicked that...this is one of the image results.

so today's substantially mindless wandering will be a list. a list of random things that pop up in my mind.

1. its funny how a puppy knows that it's doing wrong as it is doing wrong but still does it while looking at you woefully with those big puppy eyes...knowing the torrential downpour of anger and wrath that is about to land on their tail/nose. oh my. as soon as they are done doing their deed...the sprint away, hide under a bed or in a corner. waiting. cowering. then they slowly slide up to you and look up at you with their tails tucked and ears down...and even though i don't want to...discipline is discipline. NEWSPAPER OF DOOM. and then i just sit there for a few seconds. and puppy comes back. sits in my lap looking all sad. and i can't help but to squeeze that adorable face.

2. i hate sharp edges that are hidden under tables and desks and just places where my legs can get scratched. it sucks. it sucks big doo doo.

3. i think the world knows when you are busy. because when you're busy...things never slow down...they only get busier. the other day...i sat in the office...for like an hour doing nothing. and then right as i'm about to leave, the phone rings. i'm like "aiiii"...this is what happens

-me on line 1: "office of the dean of students. how may i help you"
-line 1: "yes may i speak to so and so"
-me line 1: "yes one moment please. may i ask who is calling?"
**line 2 rings**
-line 1: "yes this is so and so"
-me line 1: "alright one moment please"
-me line 2: "office of the dean of students. how may i help you"
-line 2: "yes this is so and so may i speak to so and so?"
-me line 2: "yes one moment please"
-me line 1: "so and so is currently unavailable. may i take a message?"
**line 3 rings**
-me line 1: "excuse me if you could hold for one moment"
**transfer line 2 to so and so**
-me line 3: "office of the dean of students how may i help you?"
**person walks into office**
-me to person: "hi, if you could hold on for one moment, i'll be right with you"
-line 3: "yes. i have a student at tech right now and i was wondering.......*explains entire situation*
-me line 3: "alright sir, if you could hold on for one moment, let me see if one of the deans are available"
-me line 1: "hello? yes, may i take a message?"
-line 1: *gives message*
**line 2 rings**

and so on and so forth.

...as you can see...this is confusing...this went on for a good 5 minutes or so. i mean. seriously. how did they know i was busy?! regardless. i still love working here. it's epic awesome. be jealous.

4. Jesus is the reason for the season. end of story.

5. i wish the stupid swimming pool was open. i am pale and a white person right now. it sucks. i mean. i know there are other pools open. but i don't want to go to other pools when my apartment complex has a pool of its own. *sigh* i'd actually rather go to the beach.

musical notes unlocking the heart.

so i realized like 5 minutes ago that i've made nearly every guy i've talked to/dated at least one cd/playlist of songs that i liked the most during the time i dated them. or at least gotten them into the music i like.

i don't know if they thought anything of the choice of songs on the playlists and i'm not entirely sure myself how much thought i put in the list...but i just went through the ones i have saved on my computer and i must say, the songs say wonders about what i must have been feeling then.

each playlist has a variety of songs from random artists, new and old songs. and although they are really random...they all seem to circulate around one theme. a different theme for each list.

i guess that says something about me. and about relationships in general. no two relationships are the same, like no two playlists were. and honestly. the guys that i dated for longer periods of time obviously have more than one playlist. and i can almost tell what condition the relationship was in during that time according to the song choices. whether things were rocky or going smoothly.

this is all interesting. i was told recently that i am really easy to read. i was also recently told that i am really hard to read...idk what to make of this. but my looking at my playlists, i can read myself pretty easily.

i'll list you one playlist. they are all good songs. you should look them up.

1. too bad: ale
2. any day: atozzio
3. what i know now: backstreet boys
4. knock you down: keri hilson
5. mad: ne-yo
6. bleeding love: leona lewis
7. no air: jordin sparks
8. better in time: leona lewis

nice. nice. nice.

so i'm just sitting here. so many thoughts flowing through my head. you couldn't begin to imagine what state of mind i am in right now.

so i just ate a choco pie. of all the thoughts flashing by, that's the one i reached out and caught. and by "catching" i have no idea what i'm talking about.

i just want to do something. we're (me and mingie) are so bored we don't know what to do. the weather is dreary. the pool is closed...we don't live near the lake...man. if i was back in augusta, regardless of weather, i would have spent this whole week at the lake. i miss the lake. it was def one of my favorite things about augusta...the lake.

so many thoughts. what to catch next. sometimes my nose flares...wtf. where are these thoughts coming from. mingie is trying to jerk right now. FAIL. but it's ok. she gets an A for effort...why do they say A for effort when effort clearly starts with an E...

next thought. why do singers always sing about cheating? ok. so i know they always talk about killing and being gangster and pimpin hoes and shit. but when you talk about cheating, you're just a fucker. you kill someone, you might make ppl scared. you are gangster, you might get some respect. you pimp hoes, people might...ok idk. but when you talk about cheating, you're just a bitch.

wtf. am i talking about. nothing i said above makes sense. am i going to post this? yes.

blockade.

sleep is so crucial to life. ugh. how did i even survive last semester's finals?!

anyways. i have several really close friends. and for some of them...things just don't work out. it seems that no matter what, things are constantly unfair for them. and it frustrates me that there is nothing i can physically do about it besides give them the best advice i can and listen to them.

i think it's strange that people [including myself...guys, i'm not THAT heartless] can be so emotionally attached to someone, not necessarily bf/gf relationship but also friendship, that their unfortunate situations can really affect them.

it's like my friends problems become my problems. even when the situation doesn't directly involve me. and i guess it's a good thing that happens...i consider myself a great friend [to certain people] but honestly, where does all the empathy come from?

i'm only 19. i have a few good/bad life experiences under my belt, but in no way am i experienced at life. i don't think anyone can fully be experienced at life. you just gotta live your life as best as you can. and "best" is defined differently for everyone. but if you live your life just for yourself, then you gotta be pretty lonely. i guess caring and sharing makes life just that much better.

it's 4:23am. i just reread that blog. i have no idea where that came from. or where it went. shit. it makes no sense. i'ma post it anyways.

인생에 필요한 12명의 친구

◆ 믿고 의논할 수 있는 든든한 선배◆
현 대인들에게는 선택의 기회가 너무 많다. 사랑하는 사람을 만나 결혼하고, 직장을 그만 둔다든가 옮긴다든가. 이렇게 정답이 없는 질문들과 부딪쳤을 때 도움이 되는 것은 나보다 먼저 이런 선택들과 맞닥뜨렸고, 어떤쪽으로든 결정을 했던 선배들의 경험이다. 가보지 않은 길에 들어섰을 ?앞서 그 길을 지나친 사람들이 전해주는 충고가 얼마나 소중한 것인지는 누구나 다 아는 사실. 그래서 생각이 깊되 머뭇거리지 말고, 결단력 있게 충고를 해줄 수 있는 든든한 선배를 반드시 알아두어야 한다.

◆ 무엇을 하자 해도 믿고 따라오는 후배◆
사람에게 사랑받기는 쉬워도 아랫사람에게 인정받기란 대단히 어렵다. 학창시절 경험만으로도 그렇다. 싹싹하게 일 잘하고, 가끔 귀여움도 떨면 `내리사랑` 이라고 선배들에게 충분히 예쁨받을 수 있다.하지만 후배들에게 사랑받기 위해 술 많이 사주고, 소개팅 많이 시켜준다고 될일이 아니다. 더욱이 내가 무엇을 하자 했을 때 `선배가 하는 일이라면` 하고 기꺼이 따라와주는 후배를 두기란! 그러나 그 인생길에 있어 좋은 후배를 두는 것은 훌륭한 선배를 두는 것만큼이나 중요하다. 유비에게 만약 관우, 장비가 없었다고 생각해보라. 젊은 에너지를 계속 공급받기 위해서도 당신을 믿고 따라와주는 멋진 후배 한명쯤은 있어야 한다.


◆ 쓴소리도 마다하지 않는 냉철한 친구 ◆
친구라고 해서 언제나 당신 편만 들어서는 곤란하다. 좋은 약일수록 입에는 쓴 법이다. 정말 좋은 친구라면 상황을 냉철하게 판단해서 때로는 당신의 생각과 결정에 가차없는 비판을 해줄 수도 있어야 한다. 이런 잔소리쟁이 친구가 있어야 혹여 당신의 눈에 편견의 껍질이 씌워지더라도 쉽게 벗겨낼 수 있다. 당시에는 친구의 비판과 잔소리가 듣기 싫고 서운하겠지만 이후에 생각해보면 친구의 한마디가 좋은 약이 되었음을 알 수 있다.

◆ 나의 변신을 유혹하는 날라리 친구◆
초록은 같은색이라고 "끼리끼리" 모이는 것이 친구이긴하다. 그런데 매일 같은 분위기의 장소에서 같은 화제로 수다를 떨고, 심지어는 패션 감각까지 비슷하다면 이건 좀재미가 없다. 뭔가 색다른 이벤트를 원할 때 `튀는` 친구가 한 명 있다면 분위기를 확 바꿀 수 있다. 평소 조신한 패션을 즐겨 입는다면 과감한 패션을 좋아하는 친구를 따라 최신 트렌드를 좇아보는 것도 즐거운 경험이 될 것이다.


◆ 여행하기 좋은 ...먼 곳에 사는 친구◆
1년에 한 번이라도 낯선 곳의 바람을 쐴 수 있다면 매일 쫓기는 힘겨운 일상도 견뎌볼 만하지 않을까. 여행은 분명 삶의 활력소다. 특히 혼자 떠나는 것이 두렵다면 먼 곳에 사는 친구를 찾아보는 것도 어떨까. 반가운 벗과 밤을 지새며 도란도란 수다도 떨고,현지 가이드로서 꼼꼼한 여행 안내도 받고. 일석이조의 여행을 선사해줄 수 있는 친구가 당신에게 있나 확인해 보라.


◆ 에너지를 충전시켜주는 애인◆
현재 당신 옆에 남편, 또는 아내가 있더라도 또 다른이성의 애인을 가져보는 것은 어떨지. 이미 익숙해진 남편/아내 가정과는 달리 설렘과 그리움으로 감정을 긴장시키는 애인이 있다면 당신은 한층 젊어지는 느낌을 갖게 될 것이다. 시작은 언제나 묘한 흥분을 가져다 준다. 그리고 그 흥분은 지루했던 삶에 에너지를 공급하게 마련이다. 연애의 시작, 그 아름다운 긴장을 만끽할 수있는 애인을 만들어보라. 누군가를 사랑하고 있다는 사실이 자신을 얼마나 생동감 넘치게 하는지 알수 있을 것이다. 물론 금지된 사랑으로까지 발전한다면 위험하다. 감정의 적절한 조율이 전제 조건이다.


◆ 어떤 상황에서도 내 편인 친구◆
이러저러한 설움 중에 가장 슬픈 것은 나를 이해해주는 사람이 없다는 외로움이다. 이해 받지 못한 자의 상처는 소심함과 열등감을 만든다. 사람들은 혼자가 아니라는 사실을 확인할 때 정말 큰 힘을 발휘할 수 있다. 시장통에서 싸우는 아줌마가 외치는 `동네 사람들 내 말 좀 들어보세요`라는 말도 실은 자신을 이해해주고 자신의 편이 되어 줄 사람들을 구하는 소리다. 무엇을 하든 `내편` 보다 든든한 재산은 없다.


◆ 언제라도 불러낼 수 있는 술친구◆
흔히 남자들은 쌓인 술병의 숫자와 우정의 깊이를 비례한다고 말한다. 술을 마시기 위한 귀여운 변명쯤 이려니 하지만 일면 수긍이 가는 말이기도 하다. 좋은 술자리는 마음을 넉넉하고 편하게 만드는 힘을 가지고 있다. 때로는 당신도 이런 분위기가 그리울 때가 있을 것이다. 감정의 신호가 술 한잔 원할 때, 당신이 부르면 언제라도 달려와 앞자리에서 유쾌하게 술잔을 부딪쳐줄 수 있는 친구가 있다면 얼마나 행복할까.


◆ 독립 공간을 가진 독신친구◆
만약에 당신이 남/여자 친구 또는 남편/부인과 싸웠다고 가정해보자. 1백 평이상의 2층 집이 아니고는 그 지긋지긋한 남편/아내의 얼굴을 피할 방법이 없다. 또 부모님 눈치 보느라 마음대로 울 수도 없다. 가출을 생각해 보지만 어디로? 괜히 여관에라도 갔다 엉뚱한 오해를 사는 것은 싫고. 이럴 때 기꺼이 당신을 맞아주는 독신 친구가 필요하다. 그가 당신에게 따뜻한 잠자리와 실컷 소리 내어 울 수 있는 공간을 제공하는 것은 물론이다. 또 밤새 나의 화풀이에 맞장구도 쳐줄 것이다. 같이 욕은 안해주더라도 적어도 그는 남편/아내가 있는 친구들처럼 `네가 참아야지` 라는 식상한 말로 화를 돋우지는 않을 것이다.


◆ 부담없이 돈을 빌려주는 부자친구◆
친한 사이일수록 금전관계는 금물이라고 했다. 하지만 급하게 돈이 필요할 때 툭 터놓고 긴급구조 요청을 할 수 있는 사람은 역시 친구뿐이다. 당신의 자존심을 건드리지 않고, 속시원히 돈을 꾸어줄 수 있는 친구를 한 명쯤 알고 있다면 마음이 한층 여유롭고 든든해질 것이다.


◆ 추억을 많이 공유한 오래된 친구◆
오래된 술일수록 향이 깊고 맛도 진하다. 매번 새로운 사람을 만날 때마다 내가 어떤 사람인지, 무엇을 좋아하고 싫어하는지 알리는 일은 덜 익은 술을 마실 때처럼 재미없다. 특히 제대로 맞지 않았을 때의 삐걱거림과 노력은 얼마나 피곤한가. 반면에 빡빡머리에 주근깨 콕콕 박혀 있던 어린 시절부터 지금까지 꾸준히 유지해온 친구 에게는 피곤할 필요 없이 편안한 마음으로 이야기를 털어 놓을수 있다


◆ 연애감정 안 생기는 속 깊은 이성친구

누구라도 한 번쯤은 `남녀간에 우정이 가능할까?` 를 생각해 보았을 것이다. 물론 이 문제는 아직 결론이 나지 않았다. 단지 확실한 것은 남녀의 가치관이 분명 틀리다는 점이다. 그래서 사랑하는 연인은 곧잘 이 문제로 싸우곤 한다. 그런데 재미있는 것은 동성이라고 해서 모두 같은 생각을 가진 것은 아니라는 점이다. 동성이면서도 당신을 이해해 주지 않는 친구도 많다. 이럴 때는 오히려 `우정이상 사랑 이하`의 속 깊은 이성 친구에게 고민을 털어놓는 편이 위안받을 수 있는 방법이다. 이성으로서가 아닌, 다른 성과의 솔직한 대화는 당신의 가치 성장을 위해 반드시 필요하다 

you can't open doors with your hands closed in a fist.

i hate finals. i hate studying more precisely. i wish i could just absorb all my information and never have to study. i wish i could be studious like JOECH...the goech.

"Nerds aren't losers. They're just playing a different game, and a game much closer to the one played in the real world."

michael "molester-hands" kim is so judgmental.

ANYWAYS. ok so the meat of my blog today.

lately i've been mad stressed. just dying from overload of things. and the whole time i've been trying to handle things on my own. finding a apartment. figuring out summer income. figuring out grades. exams. moving. and through the whole time, i've been trying to help other people too. i've been adding unnecessary stress on top of my stress and just holding it all in. so when i found out work study wasn't going to be funded during the summer, i about exploded.

that's when i finally reached out and opened up. one of my favorite people in the world Sylvia...any time and every time i talk to her, i get something out of it. i could pour my heart out to her and she can come up with the easiest solution. the best part is, i know what the answer is, i just don't realize it.

so for today's dilemma. i literally wrote sylvia a book's worth of message about my "issues" in life. and honestly, the simple answer was that i can't do it alone. it's hard to open up and let people even know i have issues. it's hard showing that i can be weak and insecure and that i can have break downs too. I'm used to being the one giving advice. i'm used to taking care of people. but sometimes i need people to take care of me. and sylvia unni always got my back.

today was a visual demonstration. she told me to ball up my hands into a fist. and then she told me to go outside. THEN she told me to come inside, but i had to open the door with my fists...it was madddd awkward and hard and weird. and then she handed me my phone but i had to receive it with my hands still in a fist. this was also weird and awkward. then she made me go outside and open the door again with my hands still in a fist like...three more times. just to make sure i get it =.=;;

the lesson is, if God wants me to go somewhere, but i'm not open to him, it's going to be hard to get where God wants me to go. And when God is trying to hand me something, and my hands are closed, how am i going to receive the gifts and guidance that God is offering me? honestly, where has God been in the picture this whole time i've been stressing? where have all my mentors and brothers and sisters been in this picture? they were missing not because they weren't there for me...but because i didn't just turn around and see that they had my back.

i just need to realize how lucky and blessed i am that there are so many people who love and care for me and every once in a while, i gotta let down my force field and let the love flowwwwwwww in.

ok the end of this blog got a little weird...but it's like 3:11am...ugh.