i'm a genius.

i visited my myspace today. just added that to the list of random things to do instead of study.


i'm so freaking weird. but funny. and maybe it's only funny to me because i get my humor. i totally understand where i was going with what i wrote and i still think it's hilarious. i'm a fracking genius. i'll leave excerpts of random blogs and comments and messages from facebook. puahahahaha.

QUESTION:
How come macaroni and cheese is so good?
RESPONSE:
because subliminal messages are hidden in each noodle so that every time you chew, a creepy message is sent to your brain.
infact, scientific evidence shows that the strength of the message is amplified 30x if you add WHOLE milk instead of 2% milk into the mix.

From a blog titled:

Everything I write in this blog is a lie:

3. my boobs are huge. 

13. i counted backwards from 74...successfully.

14. i am wearing an evening gown made soley from colored paper clips...right now.

18. at one point in my life, i was a cartoon.  

i hate when you ask someone for something that you know they have and that you know they can spare, but they say they don't have it. if it were me, [and when it is me] i just straight up say no. i don't make excuses like "no, i don't have any gum" or "no, i don't have any extra pencils." i just pull out a piece and start chewing, or take out my pencil box and shake it so they can hear the writing paraphernalia rattling in there and say "no." 

when my brother asks me if he can ask me a question, i always say no. 

OMFG. GROSS.
PUKES BLOOD.

MY DAY WAS COMPLETELY RUINED BY THAT MEATBALL.

i hate not being able to see the end of a good show. like having to go somewhere and miss the last 10 minutes of CSI or LAW AND ORDER. sucks so bad. SOOO BAD

i actually have started my summer reading. i read the first 12 pages of THE THINGS THEY CARRIED. it's pretty intense...and they say the words 'fuck' and 'virgin' a lot. 

if you order too much pizza, you can wrap it up in aluminum foil and put it in a gallon ziplock bag and put it in the freezer. and like...it's still good a couple of weeks later. i didn't even know that...but then...i guess it is just frozen pizza.

i've always wanted to jump out of a cake.

"it looks like you're kicking me sam."
"well...it looks like you're flicking me off hyeji."

my mom bought me a 2 liter water bottle today. it's orange. she said she got sick of filling up water bottles for me. but i don't know what the point of buying me one big water bottle was. because she has to wash that too.  

but yeh. omgomomgogmogm. like my brother. has a girlfriend? he says they are just friends. BUMP THAT SHIT. but mayn. this is sososoosdfjosdjfosdjfosjdfijsdo f weird for me. cuz hes just a fugly little mama's boy 7th grdaer to me. aljfaldfjad. and. yeh......

uhh...another boring day...AND  TILLER MADE US RUN WIT THUM DAYM RIFLES!!!!!! (o yea i kicked him in the face on friday b4 PT..haha)   

 

there's nothing you can do.

i'm lost in a sea of thoughts. once again i go to grab some randoms before i study. try to clear the clutter.

i'm so down and out of it. i hate school. it is the one aspect of my life that i wish were completely gone. i need sleep. i need peace. i need comfort.

sometimes when you're so mad at a person and you hate them sooo much. you want to scream and spit in their face. you want to hit them so hard that they hurt for days. you want them to leave you alone forever. you wish you never met them because if you hadn't met them, you wouldn't be going through the misery that you are at the moment. you want them to hurt and cry just as hard as you do at night when no one is around. you want them gone.

but all at the same time, you just want them to hold you. hold you tight. both figuratively and literally. you want the warmth of their body to melt away the cold ice around your heart. you want them to hold on and tell you that they will never let you. you want them to feel like the world will end if they let go. if they lose you. if they never see you again. you want their world to crumble with pain just like yours would if that person were to leave. you just want that person to sit there and look deep into your eyes. into your soul. and you just want them to love you as much as you hate them. because ultimately. you only hate them so much because you love them twice as much.

ultimately. you will never know how a person feels about you. feels around you. because no words can express the inner workings of our hearts and our minds. no matter how much you love someone. there will be no words or actions that can show the extent of your heart. nothing can dissect our emotions. so sometimes you have to live with the idea that no matter how much you care about a person, they will never know the magnitude of it.

all we can do. is act and say the things we genuinely feel. and hope to God that they aren't skeptical and take you at your full and honest word. 

what you read.

lots of people post very vague blogs. i love to read them. but i also like to read detailed blogs.

the vague blogs are so difficult for me though. my brain is so fantastical (in the words of dane cook) that i just imagine all sorts of weird junk and the words get twisted in my mind and i think "oh my. what if it's about me?" of course approximately 100% of the time, it's never about me. ahha. but still...my imagination does get the best/worst of me.

anyways. i love reading blogs. i've been slacking on writing them. i've been neglecting all my blogs. but here i am...once again...sitting at work. ahha. doing my homework?...mainly just on facebook. and now blogging.

anytime i see someone who i classify...ok judge...to be a mad life slacker saying stuff like "i need a break.""my life is so hard." blah blah blah...i get frustrated. seriously...you spend your days and your money smoking whatever you want to smoke, drinking whatever you want to drink, anything you can afford to waste your life on, you do. and yet you complain about how hard things are going for you.

honestly, who am i to judge these people? i have no right, and yet i do. i always compare them to me. i think things like "look at what i'm doing right now. you think you have it hard? quit your bitchin and grow a pair." and those same people who are wasting away their lives, when they talk about how hard school is...when they are only taking a couple of hours and skipping all their classes and still passing all their classes...they complain about how they have to write a paper. they have this or that test that they didn't study for. they have homework due. OH. MY. GOODNESS. SHUT UP. they don't realize how lucky they are to only have to write one paper every four weeks. they only have mindless homework once a week. they have tests but never three on the same day or in a row. they don't have to study every single night just to keep up. they don't have to suffer like we do...

but honestly. who am i to judge? i have no right.

the things i read...they sometimes make me go crazy.

foreverrrr.

it's been forever since i updated my blog. so i will tell you about my life in two parts.

part A. unhappy.

i hate school. i hate grades. i hate how gpa is so stressed at tech that it takes away from actual learning. i hate tests. i hate bad teachers. i hate studying. i hate. hate. hate.

part B. happy.

i love my life beyond school. i have great friends. i have an adorable boyfriend. i have good jobs that pay well. i recently went shopping and practically robbed the outlets of their sales. i'm going to a wedding over thanksgiving break for sam...who is FINALLY getting married after years and years of everyone bugging him to get married. i'm finally plugging back into church. i have people from the past who still care for me. my puppy is adorable and loves me unconditionally. i'm buying a car soon. (actually...not soon. but sooner than later.) i'm just happy in general.


so basically...if it weren't for one of the most important things in my life right now...college...i would be the worlds happiest person.

*sigh*

show out.

"every where i go out...let me show you how i show out."

when you show the bad for so long, no one believes you can be good. what defines good? what defines bad? people argue it's all personal opinion. who knows. i don't know.

i don't want to be bad. i don't want to be good. i want to be me. but i don't want to be bad me. i want to be good me. and good me hasn't been seen for a hot minute. but i guess when i define good, i'm not talking about the things i do but the things i am.

who knows. i know exactly what i'm talking about but i'm not sure how to convey this to others.

i can do it. if enough people believe in me. but that's the issue. how many people believe me? the people who surround me now have never seen the good me. they assume this is how i've been all my life, but no one just shoots out of the womb impure. going home this weekend is going to help a lot. i hope. i pray that God answers my prayers...as redundant as that is...

살려줘...제발..

[title of show]

oh. my.

rediscovering title of show.

i love it.
i'll just give you a few quotes from the best musical in the world.

starting from the beginning.



[untitled opening number]

"and now we yell in fortissimo!"


[two nobodies in new york]

"music in a musical. how could we go wrong?"
 "KEY CHANGE!"


[an original musical]

"well mutha fucka, why don't i give you a crash course.."
 "that's right cracka"
"are you being black?"
"shut yo face"
"WHOOOO. that sounds like some crazy shit, bitch!"
"oh, easy mutha fucka"
"audiences want to see paris hilton and the apple tree."
"i am blank paper."
"even though they might be morman and gay"



[monkeys and playbills]

"writing should feel easy. like a monkey driving a speedboat."
"duuuudddde. i gotta go disco."
"and watched censored scenes from king kong."


[the tony award song]
"hunter, we agreed we weren't going to put the tony award song on the cd...remember."

[part of it all]
"a trendy photo shoot for a homo magazine"
"all our gay skills, filling playbills"
"a part of forgetting names of everyone we meet"
"our attempt to stay above the derivatal tricks and the critical undertow"

[i am playing me]
"stuck in a show where i am playing me"
"i'm getting nervous that our play is getting a little doughnuts for dinner"
"a little meatier like an asteroid is a tiny meteor?"
"huh...i totally stopped listening."
"no straight guys here for me to romance"

[what kind of girl is she?]
"At least my nose could take her nose in a cage match of noses."
"She’s got those boobs"
"She might try to steal my husband"
"She might try to have my baby"
"are you gonna eat that pickle?"

[die, vampire, die]
"a little part of me just wants to punch those motherfuckers in the teeth."
"You have a painting to paint, but you lazy like an old French whore"
"Fuck you Ms. Johnson, Word!"
"Your teeth need whitening"
"she might look like you mama, or your old fat-ass, fat aunt Fanny"
"bad language, blood, or blow jobs"
"Which will leave your work toothless, gutless, and crotchless"
"You look at that air freshener vampire in her fat ass, fat old fuckin’ face"
"but if the vampire inside my head says it,  It’s the voice of reason."


[filling out the form]
"how about 'this show fucking rocks'"
"your note can suck my note cause your note is my note's bitch"




[september song]
"Happy opening, y'all. Hey, naked."
"Okay, that's ridiculous. I'm not gonna kiss her...i will."
"If you shined a flashlight in my butt you'd see I'm dying inside"
"Oh please, like your mom has never masturbated...oh my gah"
"That was some bullshit I pulled out of my ass to make us feel better"
"Broadway.com? Broadway.com can kneel down, open its online mouth and suck my"
"...it can suck my fucking cock!"




[secondary characters]
"to enjoy the pleasure of this invisible cigarette"
"while the plot is unfolding like the Lord of the Rings Trilogy"
"I don’t know… I was just standing here quietly and Heidi was like uh-uh-guh-uh-uh-uh"


[a way back to then]
"I'll do it all by the time I'm ten"
"You're having a kick-ass time And being who you wanted to be in this world"




[nine people's favorite thing]
"I’d rather be nine people’s favorite thing Than a hundred people’s ninth favorite thing"
"I’ll admit I was a little bit “what the fuck?”"
"So I show up with pride this morning with a tray of rice-crispie treats"




[finale]
"This is the last line of our… show"



[bonus track]
"and cook your  [title of show]."
"Then have left-over [title of show]."
"Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow,
Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow,
Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow,
Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow,"
"Hey you guys, do these jeans make my ass look big?"
"Your haircut is so [title of show]."
"I do hearby hook my thumbs under my imaginary suspenders and declare today (insert date), [title of show] day!"
"You can [title of show] the English Channel or you can just go fuck yourself!"
"You want those monkeys fried or broiled hon?"





epic. hard.

thought grabbage (not a typo)

close my eyes. in the library. thinking. what to write. about.

let's see.
the images in my mind rght now is sukjune hong. only because he was the last thing i saw before i closed my eyes. sukjune cut his hair. more like exposed his skull. :D

break: puppyyy~

sometimes i wonder what people are listening to on their headphones. sometimes, i wish i could just change what music they are listening to what i am listening to. or to something really annoying.

today i had that giant pizza thing from pizza hut. it is giant.

it was delish. toppings? mushrooms. chicken. green peppers. but no green peppers on my side. why? because i hate bell peppers. why? because when i was really young, we had a set dinner schedule every week. thursday nights were fried rice. i hated thursdays...because my aunt would put bell peppers into the friend rice. and then i got really good at picking them out. but then my aunt and uncle found out i was feeding the dog bell pepprs so my aunt cut the peppers into such small pieces that i couldn't pick them out (although i probly could now, i am a master). so it got to a point where i refused to eat my dinner on thursdays and i had to sit at the table for hours and hours because i wouldn't eat it. my aunt got sick of it and fed me spoonfuls. one day. i got sick of it. so i just threw it all back up into the bowl. and now no one in my family every tries to make me eat bell peppers.

break: boifran~

i hate cs. i love the rain. such a slow day at work. i feel like such a douche with these beats. but i lurve them. i don't care about you people who hate on them. you said the same thing about my macbook. but i lurves it.

:D

done for now.
byeee.