late naattttttt

idk. that's supposed to say "late night" but i wanted to write it just like it sounded in my head. and that is what is sounds like...meh

i've been working a lot lately. and today i found out that i'm a fun person to work with. which makes me super happy. now my head is a little larger (did not know that could happen).

i guess maybe right now, is a deep thought moment. a deep feeling moment.

recently, i made amends with an old friend that i've been not so friendly with since like...febuary. is that how you spell febuary? shit. idk. but anyways. i guess what it all comes down to is how much effort i'm willing to put into having bad feelings towards someone.

as many mean/cruel things that have been said back and forth between two people, if these two people have a good history/past between them, there is nothing that can't be fixed. as much animosity there is between those two people, there are at least twice as many good memories, if not/probably much more.

although throughout the end of spring semester i was hot headed and still angry about the situations and circumstances that arose at the beginning of this year, i did not realize that i hated the situation and the time more than i hated the person. when it comes down to it, i didn't/don't hate the person at all.

whenever we/people are in a fight, they are so caught up in the things that the other person did to them. we always get so caught up on how hurt we are, how angry we are...thinking "how could they do that to me?" when in reality, the other person is thinking the exact same thing. when we fight, we get selfish. we never think of the harm we are doing to others by being mad/mean/hurtful to them.

our feelings and pride are cut hard when we hear that the other person was talking behind our backs. and in retaliation, we say even crueler things. we blow up situations way beyond what needs actually happened. we retell the same stories. we blame the other person for all our troubles. but in reality, we get tired of it. the hate hurts us more than the other person. the other person may not even be thinking about me and i'm still wasting my time trying to come out on top. it gets tiring, it wears on the soul. we say it doesn't affect us anymore. we say we're over it and it's not even relevant in our lives. but until there is some sort of closure, some sort of concluding argument or make up, it's still very relevant in our lives.

i'm guilty of all these things on several different occasions. there are still people out there that i haven't made up with. but honestly, getting back one friend is such a relief. my whole body and spirit is lifted. and even though i haven't seen this person yet and possibly may not see them for a long while, the first thing i want to do is give them a hug and let them know face to face that i meant every word i said in my long, drawn out, and extremely late apology. i'm sure/really hope they feel the same. and i swear i won't let the past affect how i treat them in the future.