need.

why is it that i can stress and worry the shit out of myself about the smallest things dealing with other people's lives, but when it really comes down to my life, i don't feel the pressure til i absolutely have to?

it makes me seem/feel like i care about other people more than i care about myself, but in reality, i'm a really selfish person. maybe i'm fooling myself. who knows. who cares.

obviously not the people who are supposed to care about me. but i'm not worried about it. i'm over it.

i've stressed for other people enough while they didn't stress enough. they don't realize the extent of the problem. sometimes i just want to tell people to solve their own problems. most of their problems only exist because they allow them to exist...they are the source of their own problems, yet they toss them over to me to be solved. or they don't even bother to do that much and just expect me to pick up the problems they drop all over the place.

what if i stopped caring altogether. how many people's lives would be affected? would they even notice. who knows. maybe their lives will just disintegrate into nothing.

i'm not worried about it anymore. but i am.